What I really want is to be able to be myself. I don't want to pretend to be different things among different crowds. I don't want to have to seem more interesting or intelligent or outgoing than I am. Although I love beauty and find nothing wrong with striving for it, I want to feel like I'm beautiful even without the makeup. I also want to be more than just pretty. I don't want to have to play any roles that the world expects me to play because I'm a woman or single or Christian, etc. I want to be able to get emotional without scaring people away and sometimes be emotionless without having someone think I'm heartless. I am not really a warm, touchy-feely person, but I try. I have a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings because the two get all tangled and confused. I only share my heart with the select few in my life I can trust it with. I want all of that to be okay because even though I have many flaws, I deeply love others and want to be loved just because I think that is what we are here for.

New things. We should remember the past, so that we know where we have come from. But, when we look at the future, we should forget the past so that we can move forward into something new. Just because something happened a certain way in the past doesn't mean it will be that way in the future. That was what Pastor Joey's sermon was today. We have a pastor! Yay!!!

Today, my house was on the Afterprom House Tour, so I stayed clear of the place for the afternoon. I went to my sister's and hung out for awhile. Tonight I went to Chet & Misty's for young adult Bible study. We have a really awesome group of young adults that go there. They have actually been trying to talk me into going on Sunday nights for a long time. And, I just haven't, because of a million excuses. But I decided that now would be a good time to start going and I'm sure it's something that I need to do.

God, give me peace.

I had a good week. Work was pretty mild...not too much craziness happening. I did have to stay for a "pizza party" Wednesday night.....a.k.a. work overtime to sort through defective pumps. I had a good night Friday night, because of a visitor who came to see me. ;) Saturday, Larissa and Jenn came over for the afternoon. And that night I went to Evansville with my parents, to eat with Michelle and Geoff. It was so cold! It was 8 degrees on our way home!!! I'm ready for summer. Brrr.....

At church today, we watched this video of Caz McCaslin (the guy who started Upwards Basketball). This is the second time I've seen it, but it's really good. I took several notes on what he said, but the main thing I've got from it is that "it's not about me". It's not about me ANYMORE, anyway. When Jesus came here and died on the cross.....THEN it WAS about me. That was about all of us. But from the moment I accepted His grace and forgiveness, it wasn't about me anymore. If it were, I would have went to heaven right then to be with Him. But I'm still here, because it's NOW about sharing the love of Christ with others. Wow. That really gives me perspective. That gives my life meaning and purpose.

I had some "Me Time" today. I know, it would seem like I should get a lot of that, being single and all. But, coming home from work everyday and watching TV is escapism....not me-time. I sat in my living room floor, drinking coffee, watching "Hitch" and looking at old pictures. I really have had a great life, ya know! I have so many pictures of great times with family and friends. Really makes me feel loved and lucky to have all of those people in my life. Oh, and Stace, you will be happy to know, that I removed the risque pictures of us from my photo album. =) I have one that Luke needs to have though!!! The "Barnyard Animals" sure had some fun, didn't we? Hehe.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:8-9

Last Wednesday at church, Herschel brought up the point that sometimes it seems like it would be easier if we weren't Christians. I have thought this many times, even to the point that I have felt like giving it all up. Sitting where I am now (which is a lot better place than I was a few years ago), I realize that if I am seeking God and have a day-to-day relationship with Him, it isn't hard. My desires become God's desires (or His become mine). It is when I am living for myself that it becomes hard to live an obedient life for Christ. Sometimes, it can seem challenging to live a Christian life, but it really is harder to live without God. He is always there to pick me up off my worthless butt whenever I think I can't get up and go on! I can't count on anyone else in this world to do that.

So, I was really emotional last week. I don't know what was wrong with me. Hopefully I'm over it. Last Sunday I was feeling like everything in life was great and then.....Monday came and....ugh. Maybe it's just work. There is just so much negativity there and I HATE that. I know things aren't perfect at Airtex and a lot of people have worked there a long time and are just sick of their job. I understand that. But, oh my gosh. It just drags me down sometimes. And then, I play into it and start acting the same way. And I REALLY HATE that. Aside from that, I've just been worrying about my life. It's getting close to my birthday....I know that's part of it. I'm almost 27, I'm not married, I don't have kids (not sure if that's a bad thing, but I might want the opportunity to find out!). I'm just worrying about things that I shouldn't worry about. I know God will take care of me as He always has. And, it wasn't too long ago that I had peace that He was taking care of me and that everything will work out. Satan's working on my thoughts, I know. I need to fix that.

Saturday was Skyler's birthday. Happy Birthday Skyler!!! Bonnie threw a surprise party for him, although he had it figured out before he got home. It was fun though. I miss seeing those two since I don't live so close to them anymore.



























Sunday was the Superbowl. I stayed home and watched it. But mostly I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could watch Grey's Anatomy. =) Abby also got a bath that night. Here she is after the terrible experience.













And here's Cybil, happy that she didn't have to get a bath.